oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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