You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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