Apparently you make a good broom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
