Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
