Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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