Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
