The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
