Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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