Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
