I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
