I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
