mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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