I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
