This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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