Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
