How'd it feel making her break her religion?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
