I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
