oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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