im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
