I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
