I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
