a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
