Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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