I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
