I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
