No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
