i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
