i may or may not be watching the land before time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
