Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Too much gin, very little bucket
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
