how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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