what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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