dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
