Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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