Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
