I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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