Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
