barbara walters just said penis...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
