it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
