Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
