i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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