waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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