wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
