I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
