Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
