Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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