He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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