My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
