i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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