tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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