literally had 100 drinks last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
