Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
