Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is the high leading the old right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
