just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
